Saturday, December 20, 2008

Nic & San

I went back to my old Multiply account ... and realised I have posted quite a few things there. And when I came across this post, I knew I had to "duplicate" it here. Guess it is a good "introduction" to the beginning of Nic & San. :)

The date of post: August 11, 2007 (Wow! So long ago!)

The venue: My old blog

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I was very blessed by this week's CG message, especially when it came to the first part - the discipline of affection!

It is really very true - that we choose who or what we place our affection on. And it applies to not just our walk with God but also every other aspect of our lives.

Not sure who said it... but I like the phrase "Choose what you love... and then love what you choose."

I think it seems so easy yet... practically not so easy to apply in our lives. The first part is the easy one, yet maintaining any relationship takes a lot of work, and continually making the choice over and over again.

Coming from a relationship that (before our marriage) lasted 7 long long long l-o-o-o-o-n-n-g years, and spanned two different continents for a good 4 1/2 of those 7 years, I know of many friends and more acquaintances of both mine & Nic's that are quite amazed (stunned... skeptical... lots of adjectives to insert here...) that we are able to maintain a long distance relationship. I even remember a cell group leader commenting (very insensitively, I might add...) that he DOES NOT (and somemore must emphasize those two words!) believe in long distance relationships. Haha!

How did we do it?

Haha... The short answer: God. Longer answer: One day at a time, one month at a time and one year at a time.

I never thought I would be able to make it through. I don't think Nic was very confident either. Step by step, I think God prepared both our hearts for Nic to leave for his studies. Before he first went over, I think for about three weeks before he first went over, I was quite the emotional wreck. Haha... it is funny now, when I think back. But then, whenever we were out together, happily eating or just walking around, I'd suddenly remember, "Man... two weeks more before he leaves for Syd..." and then start tearing immediately. I cried every single day during this period... be it when I was with him or at home alone... whenever the thought came to my mind.

Every time I sent him off at the airport, seeing him go through the gates, would make me cry buckets. The thought of not seeing him for another 6 or 10 months... The thought of him being all alone over in Sydney, working so hard to earn his living expenses & without his family with him... Sigh, it would really make my heart break. But slowly but surely, my very fragile heart learnt to cope! YES - I would still cry buckets each time, but I would learn to recover fast too. Hahaha... We both learnt and grew and experienced so much individually, that whenever we talked on the phone, we will be yakking away at what happened in church/cell group/work/school...

Ah well... there is no perfect relationship. We have had our fair shares of quarrels and tiffs. But looking back, I think we can both thank God for being there for us, and allowing us to pull through that period, so that now, we can appreciate each other even more.

But this message on the discipline of affection really brought about many good (and also sad) memories about our relationship. I know of so many good friends whose relationships have ended or are on the rocks... And I really do feel so, so much for them. To give up on a relationship because of petty differences (or worse... a so-called change of heart...) is so, so sad. Hai...

Of cos, I'm not saying our relationship is a beaming tower of example... But, I guess, it is one where commitment (to God and to each other) played a huge part in keeping our relationship strong and healthy. It is not just about the amount of time you spend with each other, or how often you meet (Nic & I NEVER ONCE used a Web-cam to 'see' each other in all those 4 1/2 years! Hahaha! Laziness... yeap!)... but it is probably in the quality and not quantity of communication & attention.

Though I always joked I had an "ABA" (Active Boyfriend Absent...), yet to his credit, Nic never made me feel like I was all alone! Haha... Despite the 2-hour  time difference & me being a perpetual night-bird, he would stay up till 3am his time to chat with me when I reached home @ 1am! During daylight savings months, the time difference would be 3 hours, and that r-e-a-l-l-y stretched him to the max!

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And more than two years later, I am glad to inform that we're still happily married, with our Prince to complete our little family!

Some past pictures (what is nostalgia without photos!)...

My gorgeous wedding @ the Roof Garden of CHC.gown 2

Audrey, ME & Jun! At the dinner over in JB... (Cos of all our friends that went over to JB for the dinner with us, the dinner was a great success & loads of fun!)MG-2170

Nic & San & his University Medal (F-i-n-a-l-l-y! Graduation day!)uni medal

16 comments:

Daniel Poh Yang Zheng said...

Well, it is my joy and pleasure that i played a small part on the day of your wedding!! haha!!
Smiles!!

Melissa said...

That's a really inspiring story. I know how difficult it is to be in a long distance relationship. (My husband was in the Air Force and away for two years) Can't imagine more than that. You must have an amazing relationship! Congrats to you! Also, Love your wedding dress ~ it's beautiful!

Melissa @ Cellulite Investigation said...

I think it's funny when people say they "don't believe" in something like long distance relationships. As if they are akin to Santa Claus or tooth fairies. Why don't they say what they really mean? That they "don't approve" of them. I guess that sounds too judgmental (which it is!). Congrats on your beautiful wedding!

Herself said...

Very sweet post! I love it when God does something that everyone in the world says can't happen.

cat said...

I have to say that your story is an inspiration. And that wedding picture is stunning.

AmericanTribal said...

What an amazing post!
You are very blessed, not only by God, but also because you are a very smart lady with a great head on her shoulders. I'm so glad that you and your husband are still very happy. :)

Meanbean said...

wow, this sounds so much like my relationship with my husband! We were dating in high school, then he went to college on the opposite coast, 3 hour time difference, and I only saw him every 6 months or so for 3 years.

Like you, I cried buckets and buckets, but learned to recover too...and in the end, we were married! Strangely, we also were together for 7 years before getting married, and we've now passed the 7 year mark of marriage! It can be done, I firmly believe it. :)

Mrsbear said...

Very sweet. It's beautiful that you were able to maintain that closeness and dedication through those seven years. Quite a blessing.

Kristy K said...

Beautiful wedding picture!!! My husband and I also dated long distance through college. While I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, when you know it's meant to be, you work a little harder at it!

Katie said...

Oh my goodness! I cannot imagine being long distance for that long. We did it for 6 months and it was hard. Thankful that God gave you the strength to get through it!!

MommyToTwoBoys said...

Great pictures! Your wedding dress was gorgeous.

Thank you for sharing your story. I loved reading it. What a romance!

mom2kmjx2 said...

Such a great story. Your dress was so pretty.

CCW said...

beautiful love story, SITSa!

livemorenow said...

UNSW University Medal!! Wow what a fantastic achievement. What I credit to you both for seeing it through!! Great story I am pleased you linked to it for the SITS readers.

Randa @ The Bewitchin' Kitchen said...

What a beautiful phrase "Choose what you love... and then love what you choose." I love it

Froggylady said...

It sounds like you started your relationship in a very strong and healthy way. All to often courtship is easy and then marriage is a slap in the face. Congratulations on 2 years of marriage, I wish you many many more!