Sunday, July 25, 2010

The entry of Mr. Cane

“Spare the rod and spoil the child.”

Nic bought a “Mr. Cane” about 3 weeks back, after a nasty meltdown Jay had at a Crystal Jade restaurant where we were having our dinner. Last night was the first time it was actually in action. Jay was behaving wildly, and was kicking and biting Nic, despite being told not to numerous times. So Jay received several taps on his palm with the thin rattan cane.

But kids are amazingly resilient. And they know when they are wrong. Before each tap on the palm, Nic would explain to Jay the reason why he would be receiving it.

At the final tap, Jay turned to Nic and said, “One more, Daddy?”

Nic: “No need. I am finished, Jay.”

Jay: “Sorry daddy.”

Cue Daddy’s melted heart.

After that, I put Jay to bed, and asked him about his first encounter with Mr. Cane.

This is Jay’s version (about word for word, as much as I can remember).

“Daddy talked and talked to me. And then Jayvon said, Sorry Daddy. And then Daddy talked finish already. And then he put Mr. Cane back.”

Hahaha! He is such a gem.

Was it painful? I doubt it. If it were, Jay would have whined to me.

But it served as a deterrent, to show him his actions will have consequences. I never thought I would be a discipline-advocate, but these past few months have made me realize no matter how cute or smart Jay is, discipline is something rather lacking in his life, and in order for him to not morph into a monster, he would need to appreciate the effects of action-consequence.

I know there are a few trains of thoughts on this subject of discipline, and believe me, I have tried time-outs and removal of privileges, but I guess boys may need a stronger guiding hand? Honestly, I am one of the rare few in my own generation that have never been caned. Neither has my younger sis (can’t speak for my older ones, but not in my memory). But that is cos that look from our father was enough to silence us into submission. Maybe us being all pretty submissive as girls. But raising up boys? And raising them up to be godly men? More and more, I appreciate that discipline is a must.

So be it you believe in using the cane or if say other methods work for you, do it with love, with grace, but most importantly – just do it! While Jay got his first encounter with Mr. Cane only yesterday (at 2.5 years old), we have always (since he was about 5 months) been moderating his behaviour and outbursts. It would be either a firmer smack on the buttocks, a frown or a lowly-spoken word, but it would all communicate our disapproval at where his behaviour was going to be headed.


Li Yun said...

It's good that you are stepping up on discipline and explaining to Jay at the same time about what he did wrongly :)

Way to go!

San said...

Hahaha! :) Ya, we stepped it up :P