First Mums' & Dads' Congress 2012

The thing about parenting is that somewhere in the middle of a 3AM night feed and halfway through changing YET another soiled diaper is that you need to to take a deep breath, and keep your head screwed on right. I have a second baby, and I must say it sure doesn’t get easier. Sure, I now KNOW what’s ahead for Xav, and what to expect as part of the growing up pangs (and if my memory fails me, I know I can always refer back to this blog!) but knowledge is really power, and if you are a Mummy or Daddy, good news is here!

For all mums, dads, and parents-to-be, this would be a good resource place to seek clarifications and answers if you’re wanting to know more about pregnancy and handling new babies. Doctors and healthcare experts will be speaking on topics such as…

• Nutrition for a brighter child
• Eating well for mothers, the TCM way
• Truths & myths about baby’s arrival

Pique your interest yet?

The Congress will be on 26 February 2012 (Sunday), from 12.15 p.m. – 4.15 p.m. at the Fairmont Ballroom (Level 4, Raffles City Convention Centre).

You can get your tickets from SISTIC, and all attendees will receive a goodie bag worth S$180!

Good news for you…

SANses has TWO free tickets to the Congress to giveaway to you guys – my awesome blog readers! If you’d like to get this ticket (and also the $180 goodie bag), the mechanics are:

1. Like the SANses Facebook Page (if you  haven’t already done so)
2. Leave a comment in this blog post, or you can also drop me an email at sanses@hotmail.sg.

That’s it! The 2 winners will be picked using a random number generator, and giveaway ends on Wednesday (22 February) midnight.

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Confidence building in children

What is confidence? In a child, it is in believing that they CAN do it. That it is possible. That while they may fall, they can get up and conquer that bike/task/jigsaw puzzle. And so of all the presents and gifts you can get for your kid, and of all the subjects you can coach him or her for, really the most important thing to impart your kid is confidence.

I had the chance to field a question to Ms. Fiona Walker, the principal director of Julia Gabriel, and my one question was: How to build your kid’s confidence? Her answers were pretty inspiring, so here they are to help you as well!

How to build your child’s confidence?

Avoid making comparisons: No one likes to hear that someone else can do something better. Remember that children all develop at different rates and in different areas. Don’t worry about how they compare to their peers, or siblings. Instead of saying: “Can’t you sit still at the table like your sister?” Try: “Wow, I think you have managed to sit on your bottom for almost the whole of dinner! Well done! Maybe tomorrow you be able to get through the whole meal without getting up, what do you think?”

Try not to undermine his ability: This is especially difficult when we are rushing to go out. It is very easy to say, “Here, why don’t I put your shoes on for you, we have to hurry!” In our busy lives we have to remember children take longer to do things than we do. It may be time saving and more efficient to assist them but it does not develop their independence or confidence in their own abilities.

Establish and follow routines: young children thrive on routine. It helps them to predict what will happen next. This enables them to make sense of their world and develop a sense of security. Once children become familiar with the routine they will become confident that they can order their lives themselves.

Be consistent: Consistency is necessary to develop routines. Consistency in your behaviour and reactions is equally important in developing a confident child. If you are erratic and your reactions often depend on your emotional or physical state then children will take a longer time to develop confidence in what is expected of them and how their behaviour will be received.

Encourage social interaction: Children who have been exposed to a number of social situations and are at ease when with other adults or peers will be more confident than a child who has had little interaction beyond the family circle. For some children a relaxed play date may seem a bit daunting and you may have to initiate games and role-play by being actively involved yourself. This is well worthwhile, as it will encourage the development of the social skills that are closely linked to confidence.

Plan regular exposure to new situations: The more experiences and exposure to new situations you can give to your child the greater his confidence in the world will be. Plan lots of different activities you can do together so there will be no anxiety for your little one. Think of positive experiences in your child’s early years as steps on a ladder, the more you add together the closer he will get to reaching the stars.

Spend quality time together: Take the time to really listen to and connect with your child. All too often we have our hand-phone in one hand and an eye on our email, even when we are pretending to be princesses locked away in a dungeon, or when our children come to us with a sincere question. Without taking the time to really be present with our children we do not validate their opinions, ideas and thoughts. This is necessary for a child to begin to develop a sense of confidence in their self-worth.

(Pssst, time for my shameless plug. If you haven’t heard, I’ve been nominated for the SG Blog Awards for Best Family Blog. Vote for me!)

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Beach-ing fun!

A balmy Sunday evening.

“Despicable Me” was sold out.

Next best alternative…

East Coast beach!

And this time round, “Jay brought Daddy” along too!

“Give me the pail, Daddy.”

“I need more water, Daddy,”

“Don’t touch my water, Daddy.”

The lack of sunlight made this a poorer photo opp than the last beach outing we had.

But Jay still had loads of fun in the sand.

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The entry of Mr. Cane

“Spare the rod and spoil the child.”

Nic bought a “Mr. Cane” about 3 weeks back, after a nasty meltdown Jay had at a Crystal Jade restaurant where we were having our dinner. Last night was the first time it was actually in action. Jay was behaving wildly, and was kicking and biting Nic, despite being told not to numerous times. So Jay received several taps on his palm with the thin rattan cane.

But kids are amazingly resilient. And they know when they are wrong. Before each tap on the palm, Nic would explain to Jay the reason why he would be receiving it.

At the final tap, Jay turned to Nic and said, “One more, Daddy?”

Nic: “No need. I am finished, Jay.”

Jay: “Sorry daddy.”

Cue Daddy’s melted heart.

After that, I put Jay to bed, and asked him about his first encounter with Mr. Cane.

This is Jay’s version (about word for word, as much as I can remember).

“Daddy talked and talked to me. And then Jayvon said, Sorry Daddy. And then Daddy talked finish already. And then he put Mr. Cane back.”

Hahaha! He is such a gem.

Was it painful? I doubt it. If it were, Jay would have whined to me.

But it served as a deterrent, to show him his actions will have consequences. I never thought I would be a discipline-advocate, but these past few months have made me realize no matter how cute or smart Jay is, discipline is something rather lacking in his life, and in order for him to not morph into a monster, he would need to appreciate the effects of action-consequence.

I know there are a few trains of thoughts on this subject of discipline, and believe me, I have tried time-outs and removal of privileges, but I guess boys may need a stronger guiding hand? Honestly, I am one of the rare few in my own generation that have never been caned. Neither has my younger sis (can’t speak for my older ones, but not in my memory). But that is cos that look from our father was enough to silence us into submission. Maybe us being all pretty submissive as girls. But raising up boys? And raising them up to be godly men? More and more, I appreciate that discipline is a must.

So be it you believe in using the cane or if say other methods work for you, do it with love, with grace, but most importantly – just do it! While Jay got his first encounter with Mr. Cane only yesterday (at 2.5 years old), we have always (since he was about 5 months) been moderating his behaviour and outbursts. It would be either a firmer smack on the buttocks, a frown or a lowly-spoken word, but it would all communicate our disapproval at where his behaviour was going to be headed.

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The story of two animals

There once was a little Boy
who loved his animals.

One day, two animals came into his life.

And oh, how the little Boy loved them so.

 

“Could I play with them?” asked Mommy.

“They’re busy,” answered the Boy.

And so the friendship was forged.

The kind of bond that lasts forever. :)

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High up on the Flyer!

It only comes once a year. The day that daddies the world over get lauded. And enjoy their share of the limelight, their day in the sun!

To celebrate, we decided to go for a ride on the Singapore Flyer. The last time Nic & I went, Jay was barely a year old, and could hardly appreciate it. This time, he had much more fun, coupled with time with his grandparents!

We first took a stroll along the small open area, where he spotted some…

… turtles!

It boded well for the rest of the evening.

 

And it was a fun time with Gong Gong and Po Po too!

Inside the cabin, he soon found a comfortable spot.

As we breathed in the gorgeous Singapore skyline.

 

View of the Marina Bay Integrated Resorts.

Happy father’s day to all the daddies out there! ;)

And a special shout-out to Nic… for being such a solid hubby and daddy.

Yeah, Bear Bear loves Daddy dearly too! ;)

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Parent-Teacher Conference

It was an excruciating wait.

From the time we received the e-mail from Jay’s teacher, to inform us of the upcoming Parent-Teacher Conference.

One month ago. One month of wondering and pondering. One month of waiting with anticipation and trepidation.

It’s not so much learning how your kid did at school. It’s whether or not we as parents taught him well. Did we do a good job? Have we screwed up too much? Is the damage reversible? Normal questions like that.

I don’t think my parents ever went to any such Parent-Teacher Conference when I was a kid. No one judged them then. Oh, but parents of today… Gosh. It’s like being hauled into the principal’s office about some unacceptable behaviour.

At 8.29 a.m. on last Saturday, Nic & I dutifully entered the gates of Little Big. Left Jayvon at home, just as the teacher had asked (cos it wouldn’t be convenient talking about him in front of him). Or talking bad about our parenting skills in front of the test subject.

Miss Yun tried to make us feel at ease. Served drinks and all. Sat down beside the computer and Miss Yun started talking. Cue the nervousness and shallow breathing. I don’t think I do very well in such situations. It may be initial nerves, but I think after a few more of such PTCs I’d probably be a pro. I think. I hope. Doesn’t bode well for my “super-mom” persona to be perspiring at a PTC, ya know.

Miss Yun obviously took the effort in preparing for this meeting. Photographs of Jay in action, interacting with his friends, and how he was in class. She even brought up the Mother’s Day gift, which he singlehandedly designed, proudly telling the teacher that “Mommy like pink circles” before selecting the circles for my card and decided that the “giant cookie” is for me, and the “small cookies” are for himself.

And how Jay would, in a typical boy fashion, get into scuffles with his two good friends in class, Nicolas and Angelo (resulting in some small scratches and injuries from time to time). Daddy was cool (too cool, if you ask me) about that, and said he’d be more concerned if Jay didn’t get into fights.

The only area Miss Yun pointed out was in his shyness when it came to strangers. He would find it hard to enter into a play situation with kids he is unfamiliar with, and so this is an aspect to work on.

One area of relief… after all my fussing about learning Mandarin, and Jay’s underexposure to this language from young, we were pleasantly surprised (ok, shell-shocked might be the better adjective) when the Chinese teacher told us that Jay has picked up the language fast, and able to say short Chinese phrases like “谢谢老师”(thank you, teacher) and "我还要饼干.” (I’d like to have more biscuits.) Oh. My. Goodness. Nic & I stared at each other incredulously when we heard that. You mean he can?!? Our Jayvon? That is when I know for sure, God is gracious towards us. Haha!

All in all, it was a fun session. Learnt a lot more about Jay, and also allowed the teacher to know a lot more about us and our parenting style (relaxed is still a style, you know…).

We took back some of Jay’s artpieces from school, and he was so thrilled to see them when we got back home!

Each artpiece had a small explanation on what was the lesson being taught, as well as personal anecdotes on the child’s behaviour! It was so fun to read!

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The Toy I’ve Resisted Thus Far…

I think I would pretty much loving having a baby girl. Just think of the dressing up that can be done, and the nice long chats we can have, and the games we’d have fun playing together.

But I am contented with my lot. My boy. My Jayvon.

And I’ve gotten used to messy-eating-with-hands, and running-around-messy, and perspiring-five-minutes-after-a-bath, and grunts-instead-of-saying-an-outright-yes, smelly-farts (I didn’t just write that, ya? I was just thinking out loud…) and noisy-toy-playing… (Yes, I am talking about Jay's behaviour, not mine)

But I’ve always tried to have some form of control. Some.

Like resisting feeding him coke (or any other fizzy drinks). And if you ever get the chance to dine with us, don’t spoil it.

Or like not getting him any “aggressive” toys like machine guns.

In our move to the new place, somehow an odd toy got placed in Jay’s toy box and brought over to our new place.

Jay found it. Belonged to his cousin. Belongs to him now.

Yes. A toy machine gun.

He was so intrigued by it

 

…for about

… 5 minutes

… till he peeked into his toy box

… and took out his beloved animals once again.

Phew!

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Some breakfast, he animals…

A usual morning routine when one wakes up should be to have breakfast.

Some waffles or cereals or juice…

But not my Jayvon.

Nope.

The first words he says upon waking up is…

“I want to go outside. Play animals.”

Yeap, still in jammies…

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Never Let Your Kid…

There are many lessons parenthood teaches us.

You learn to see the bright side of things. Like how poo is a good thing when it comes to kids. Or like how sleep is such a sacred thing.

You learn lots of useful things too. Like how I can sing the Animal ABC song “A is for the alligator, with a mouth so big. B is for the beaver who likes to build and dig…”

Today I learnt one new lesson.

Never let your kid play with your camera.

He happily brought it around the house, and was so tickled seeing the image from the camera viewer.

Then he got startled.

And he got so excited he forgot he was holding my expensive camera and not his cheap plastic animal toy.

And he flung my camera behind him. Smashing the poor thing on the floor.

Looks fine, ya?

Except the camera’s NOT turned on.

The lens is stuck.

R.I.P. my dearly departed Ixus 75… :(

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Chosen.

Pastor Kong preached a phenomenal Mother’s Day message last weekend. Short, to the point, and yet so poignant.

One point that stuck with me… that as much as we don’t choose our parents, they didn’t choose US either. Nope, a relationship between a parent and a child is never one of personal choice. We are chosen. Chosen by God, to be the best parent for our child. In His wisdom, He knew we would do a great job with our kid. Being the best parent to our kid.

Gosh, but there are times I sure feel inadequate as a parent. I recently read a post by a newfound friend, mommy blogger Daphne. It was reading something I could have written myself!

As a mommy, especially for the firstborn, it’s sometimes all about nerves, tears and pure perspiration. Worry seems to be a constant axe hanging over our heads, from the time we welcome the little one in our lives.

“Is baby poo meant to be this colour?”

“Do I really need to touch that?”

“Is baby sleeping/eating/resting enough? Am I stimulating his young brain enough?”

“Is he too hot? Too cold?”

And that’s just in their first year. Then it’s childcare and school, the whole shebang!

Motherhood brings out the best neurotic in each of us.

Like how the grass is greener on the other side, I see some mothers who handle three kids and a job effortlessly. While I struggle keeping my head afloat most of the time. And so, I got to give myself a pat on the back on occasion, sneak a peek at other Daddys and Mommys around who fumble, stumble and laugh through their lives… and I keep on keeping on. :)

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Mommy The Wimp

Confession time. I can really be such a wimp at times. Like totally so.

Like I know how baaaadly Jay needs a haircut.

See? Fringe past his eyebrows, and his ears.

See? (He’s doing his rhino impersonation with that finger)

See?

And yet I can still drag my feet on arranging an auspicious day, date and time for me to bring him to the hair salon.

No, not because of the cost involved. Sure it’s expensive, but I’m cool with that.

It’s the screaming that I can’t handle. And the writhing. And the pained looks from the other patrons in the salon. Once, he was kicking up such a big fuss in the kids’ salon, a mother  who happily strolled in with her kid quickly turned tail and almost ran out the door.

He ordinarily calms down pretty fast when he is throwing a tantrum. He’s a pretty sweet kid. Outside the salon.

So yes, I am a wimp.

Teresa used to laugh at my wimpy-ness. And she insisted sending Jay for his last haircut. And experienced the screaming first-hand.

She hasn’t bugged me on the length of his hair since.

So maybe I can get some bohemian, new age-y thing going on for Jay. That might be pretty cool. Hot for this weather, but he will look waaaay cool. That’s quite good, isn’t it?

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That Old Adage…

“It takes one to know one” is so true of motherhood.

I am blessed to have many good colleagues working with me, and many of whom are mothers and great role-models for me.

Motherhood is kind of like a secret sorority club. For the grown-up gals. When I was in my teens, I took pride in speaking a “secret" language”. Most Singapore convent girls might recognize the “F Language”? I know, it does sound a bit vulgar, doesn’t it? Haha! But it is simply a coded way of speaking. Easier than it sounds, really. You simply put an “f”-syllable after each syllable. Like “You-foo un-fun-der-fur-stand-fan?” Haha… The F Language isn’t meant to be written. Well, I spoke it exceptionally well. I still can speak it, though my tongue’s not as nimble as it used to be. Haha!

Well… motherhood has a secret language too. That only mothers are privy to. Words like “lactation”, “cabbage”,  “latch” and “engorge” have never meant so much to me in the past! Haha! If you happen to lunch with a party that consists of more than 1 mother, there is a high chance that the two moms would gravitate towards each other and the conversation would be steered towards, you guessed it, their children! And the words we speak… I tell you, it is sometimes like we’re from a different planet. Some say men are from mars, women are from venus. Well, I think the mothers migrate to a brand new planet, cos the way we behave and the way we think is so vastly different from that of another woman. Haha!

Holidays used to mean places where I could have the most fun or the best shopping experience. Now, I have to think of how “child-friendly” each country is.

Shopping-time used to mean more clothes, bags or shoes (or all three!) for me. Now it just means time spent getting more diapers or clothes or groceries for Jay.

I have more friends who have just stepped into this brave new strange world, and others who are about to step in… A warm welcome! It can get a bit strange, a bit overwhelming, a bit lost at times… but like I said, it takes one to know one! There’s another mother who has been through what you’re going or will be going through and who can lend a ear, hand, cot, pram… whatever! ;)

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My Melted Heart

Please tread carefully.

You will notice a lot of proud gushes and bits and pieces of my melted heart lying around this blog entry.

This is a momentous time for any Mommy.

My first Mother’s Day present from Jay!

I think I may have waited my whole life for this.

When Jay passed me this card, I had a pretty underwhelming response.

Only because I think I might have seriously cried on the spot.

He is such a babe…

and I am proud to be his mommy :)

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Speaking Good… Greek?

With a two-year-old terror boy in tow, sometimes I feel like I am speaking Greek.

I think the words that come out my mouth are saying, “No.”

Yet he acts as if I am saying “Oh of course, baby! Carry on, carry on.”

I say “Put that back.”

He hears “Isn’t it an awesome scissors/sharp object/anything that can prick your skin or hurt your eyes? C’mon, don’t be shy, take it for another spin.”

I say “Can you share your toy piano/book/animals with your cousins?”

He hears “Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep them! Quick! Monsters are coming to deeeeeeeeeeeeeevour your toys!” and hurriedly scrambles to slide the said toy under the chair or into any random drawer.

I say “Can I have one honey star?”

He hears “Eat! Eat! Eat! Don’t give any up!” and proceeds to JAM his mouth full of the food.

To be fair to Jay, it isn’t like 24 hours a day when he is in such a mood. Just often enough for me to feel like the hairs on my head are growing whiter a tad faster. Haha!

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Two Years & 3 Months Later…

It has been two years, three months and a week since I was officially inducted into the Mummies Club. Some were inducted with a ready heart and a quick smile, others like me were kinda unwittingly sucked entered in.

Just today I visited a friend who was just inducted into this prestigious club, and as she was regaling us with her story about how her baby girl came into the world, and as I stared into the sweet, sweet baby girl’s face, I got reminded of that day when I first saw my prince too.

It is a memory that will probably never fade.

Our first meeting.

Sure, he may not have known me face to face, but he sure was an audience to my chattering and humming and singing and the sound of my laughter.

So really, if you think about it, at that first meeting, he probably knew me more than I knew him.

I always put up this photo, cos I just love it. How serene he looks.

But really, this was our first glimpse of our prince, wails and all.

What a journey it has been.

And how he has grown.

Motherhood has taught me a lot of things.

Some lessons were learnt the hard way. Many tears were shed. Relationships tested and strengthened. Smiles in abundance.

Thank you, God, for this enormous privilege, putting Nic & I in charge of this little fella! May God give us grace, strength and wisdom for the years ahead as well.

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